Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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