U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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