You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
