Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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