What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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