Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
