i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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