you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
