I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
