hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
