Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
