you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
