I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
