i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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