I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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