so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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