There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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