And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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