How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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