my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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