I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
