I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
