remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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