I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
