Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
