fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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