Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
