It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
