I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
