I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
