Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
