Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
