So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
