I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
