My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
