We named our party play list daddy issues
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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