dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
wow bdsm is so cute
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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