1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
