I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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