he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize