quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
