Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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