I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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