i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
