Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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