I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
