Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
