Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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