He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
