Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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