you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
