I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
