Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
