my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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