She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize