I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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