do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
