I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
