That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
