I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
