We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
