You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
