Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
