I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
