What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize