i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
