"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You can't motorboat a personality
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
